Sacred Seeds

Today I went outside on my porch to see how my garden is doing. My seedlings are really doing so well and I love spending time with them everyday...placing them in sun, giving them drink, and just sitting with them in silence.

As I went out to them I held a sadness in my heart. I felt alone. You see, this weekend is my first weekend ever in my life that I did not attend any church for Easter services. I looked inside my heart during Lent and I just wanted quiet time from it all. I needed to regroup about the whole "church" thing. I have been hurt by some in the church, mainly the judgements and politics I have experienced and I just feel tired of it all and it has been in me for awhile now. I think longer than I realized. I am also tired of others expressing their hurt by the church, feeling judgements, left out, frustrated and so forth. This is a feeling growing among many individuals and I can't believe I find myself a part of that many.

My current studies have taking me on a new path for myself and I feel it is hard for me to fit in at a church at this moment of my life. I knew I was heading that way anyway. I know some look at me wondering where has she gone? I ask myself as well. But to follow the spirit I must follow in my truth and right now I do not feel like entering a church building. I am not sure why, as my dedication to church was immense. But as I live more fully I am understanding more of who I truly am deep in my soul.

When I went outside today I felt an energy that stopped me in my tracks. I have been feeling this often and realize it is a feeling that is growing inside my belly just as I watch the plants grow before my eyes. When I go outside here I can't help but be called to listen and pay close attention. I feel born again, over and over again. I receive daily lessons from nature, just as I used to have read the daily office. To be so still, so quiet, gives me such appreciation for the practice of meditation. I can go outside in great sadness and loss and come back inside, rejuvenated and alive again with new awarenesses. Everyday my office is my porch outside. Computers, books and all, I spend hours looking out at the trees and all that is going on in front of my eyes. Jesus shared of experiencing heaven on earth...I believe this is what it is all about. Feeling that sacred connection is truly a gift to receive and you can everyday if you allow.

So, my sadness washed away on this sunny day. My plants and nature all around me share a love that passes my understanding. I am loved for who I am, no judgements, no politics, no rejection what so ever. The trees are not looking back me saying "Debbie, there is only one way or you are doing it wrong". All that is mirrored back to me is this incredible love that brings life, inspiration and plenty of food for the soul. It is an invitation with open arms.

Therefore, I will keep visiting this new "church" I am discovering, dedicating my life to it. Every morning if I wish and every night if I wish. It seems quite available and never ceasing in taking me on the sacred path. I know this has been with me my whole life. I can only hope all on their spiritual journeys experience this as well, whether in a church setting or life setting or both. Just because church is not feeding me at the moment, I am very aware it feeds others. Accepting each other on our journeys and celebrating where people are with God is important. It isn't about who has the better way or what you "think" you should follow because everyone else is or about changing people to conform to what you believe. Being with others on their journeys is what it is about, walking side by side in peace. It is good to know your truth inside, trusting and following it. Thank you Spirit for never giving up on me. I feel so welcome and loved. Thank You. Happy Easter!

Namaste

Washer and Dryer - The Gifts That We Receive

I know my title is weird today. My washer and dryer is something I refer to back in the day when I got this appliance from my family. For a long time through college and after I had to go to the Laundromat, as most of had to. It was something I really disliked so I will never forget the day I was gifted with my very own washer and dryer. It was such a joy, such an incredible help, and I knew I was set on a new journey with the comfort of this gift. For a long time (and sometimes I still do) while using the washer and dryer gratefulness would overcome me, knowing how special it was to be able to use it. I don't know why and maybe it is silly. But for some reason my washer and dryer came up in my meditation today. The symbol of receiving a great gift, quite simple, but something that gives you ease, gives you help, and shifts your life for the better. Thich Nhat Hanh expresses in some of his teachings that our daily chores are not separate from our spiritual lives. It is all connected and good to pay attention too. So my washer and dryer that has come to mind today is a reminder of what it means to receive such special life changing gifts. Sometimes gifts come with ease and sometimes they come without us understanding them. Either way they are gifts of the Spirit.

Spring has arrived and I sit here overwhelmed with tears of joy. A year later and I am just more and more in awe of living here, more and more grateful, and more and more I see the gifts of it. This place is never old to me. Through the trees, rivers, creeks, lakes, mountains, birds, coyotes, and a multitude of other life that lives here, I am constantly surrounded by sacred teachings beyond anything I have ever known. It is a gift I am truly thankful I received. You see, I didn't want this gift. I tried to refuse it when the path revealed itself to me. I was very scared and fought the powers that be. Gifts don't work well that way. It kept knocking on my door or shouting in my ear till it broke me down. The gift wanted to ensure me that if I received it fully the joys would be overflowing. It was the most mysterious gift that has ever come onto my path. 

I received a book a long time ago called "Earthway" by Mary Summer Rain. I highly suggest this book. I probably read this at 18 years old or so. No Eyes is the teacher in this book of Native American Mind, Body and Spirit Health. In it I will never forget the part about geographical location. How the vibration of our molecules is important to match the vibration of where we live. To be open to understand where our body needs to be planted. My body, for whatever reason, now matches where I live. I followed the calling. It is a most marvelous experience. No Eyes says "The human need to belong is intense. Whether you feel the need to belong to the center of a bustling city, in a desert adobe, or in the middle of pine forest atop a mountain, get there. Search out your true inner promptings and follow them." I truly understand this now. It isn't only about that land we live on. I feel it is also about community we wish to be close to, what we eat, how we treat each other and this earth and so forth.

So a little over a year now, I sit here in the gift I received with my washer and dryer still cleaning my clothes. The gifts of this place are still opening up like the buds in springtime. I feel this is a gift that will keep on giving. It is never ceasing. I think of you as I am writing this today and hope that you receive the gifts coming your way, even if you don't understand them or have great fear of where they might take you, but I say with great confidence, don't turn your back on the gift. Follow it. I hope you also follow where you need to plant yourself in the land where you need to be, feeling the multitude of gifts of your sacred surroundings and how they teach you and give you great comfort and joy. It is possible. Receive with gratefulness. Enjoy!!

And So It Is!

Grieving, Loving and Living Life

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the grieving process lately. I feel it is one of the most challenging times to go through in our lives when you are dealt in life with a great loss. It could be through death or in the now. The loss of someone you love is extremely painful. We all experience this pain at some time or another in our lives. My question is how do we live life through the pain? Does it ever go away? How do we get up in the morning and find the strength to take those few steps forward when the grief has shadowed our hearts?

I know going through my own personal grief I have picked up many books. You know, that professional advice on how to let go of stuff and move on. Those detailed steps to take to the cure of being free of the greif. You may even hear that societal advice whispered in your ear...buck up and move on and put a smile on our face. We live in such a time centered dimension and I don't think you can place boundaries on grief and I also think it is okay to feel it to the fullest when needed for to feel is to heal. When something traumatic such as loss occurs in our lives I don't think it goes away fully. I feel it stays with us, but we learn to move with it, feeling it less as we go on our paths but sometimes we are triggered to remember and to feel it  is okay and to let the tears flow to release it. I feel this strengthens our spirit in living life. Trusting Spirit is my own personal key in this grieving process. I don't know what I would do if I did not have this awareness of love and the trust of Spirit in my life.

So that next time you feel down, try taking a long walk in nature, cry in your pillow, talk to Spirit and a friend you can trust and move the energy flow the best you can and know it is okay and that you are not alone. It is okay to still love what you lost. It is a beautiful, special gift and a part of living our lives to the fullest. And then as you let go through releasing and move into the brighter days take that special love with you in your heart for I believe it turns into the inspiration and magic on your path.

And So It Is!